Saturday, August 9, 2014

We Black Women and Our Man Crisis

From my observation, I'd say there are 3 kinds of women...

The Feminists
These women, (whether they think of themselves as feminists or not), are the one group of women who will look at men in general and say "C'mon son!  You know you can do better!"  These are women after my own heart intellectually. 

The Coddlers
If you try to hold a black man responsible for his own actions, or for something he did wrong, these women will swoop down from on high and claw your eyes out.  They will then proceed to make excuses for said man, and will lastly find a woman to blame for his actions.  You can set your watch by it.  You KNOW what kind of sons they are raising at home.  Also known on Facebook as Handmaidens.

The Magical Sisters
These women don't give a damn about feminism, equality, or what's fair.  They only care about what works.  They have observed men in real life long enough to know how they function, and what works with them.  Either that, or they have received wisdom passed down from a long line of women that know how to successfully deal with men.  They could almost be coddlers in the way that they sometimes cater to men, but they usually do it as a fair exchange with their man, or towards an end.  For example, if they want their man to come home at night and take care of his family, they make an effort to do the things that make him want to come home.

Once, I knew an "magical sister" from Trinidad.  A mutual friend of ours had a skin problem, and she knew some home remedies that could help take care of it.  Now, this was not even her man, but she lovingly attended to his skin in a way most people would have shied away from.  As she did it, she looked at me and said in that accent of hers, "You know, men are like children."  Meanwhile, dude just sat there grinning.  He then pointed to her and told me that she knew how to treat a man.

Now, if anybody compared me to a child I'd be pissed, letting them know I'm a grown-ass woman.  But not him.  And I bet for those men who would be offended, she would somehow know not to say that about them.  The "magical sister" knows what works, and not just in a general way, either.  She knows how to find the key to what makes any man tick. 

Now, I don't think we should have to be magical sisters.  I want to argue and yell at the men to "man up" and do right all by themselves, but how can I argue with success?  So while the feminists have approval in my head, the "magical sisters" have admiration from my heart.

In all the things I have learned about Afrikan people, I find that this is just our way.  We are not given to loads of theories like European people are, and they used to put us down because of this.  Rather, we are geared towards real life...what works.  Anything less, and you spend your time chasing your own tail in failure.

You know what else?  Do you remember Shahrazad Ali who wrote The Blackman's Guide to Understand the Blackwoman back in the 80's?  Remember there was so much controversy, because many found her to be truthful, while others did not? 

Well I think she was going for being a "magical sister".  I could kinda tell she didn't buy all of her own spiel.  But I think she was trying to tell black women that if we did the things she recommended, we could start having better results with our men.  I remember her pleading that our men were beating us and killing us so taking a little slap from time to time would be better in comparison. 
I think her religion is one of the things that kept her perspective from being more balanced and more realistic, but I think the "magical sister" way of doing things is what she was trying to preach, albeit not quite successfully.

I'm writing all of this because we all have our ways.  Some of us are intellectuals and philosophers and we find ourselves gravitating towards feminism, Dark Goddess philosophy, being free spirits or rebels.  Some of us are coddlers, or womanists, or followers of the crowd.

But the way of our ancestors at it's foundation is to allign ourselves with reality, and with what works.  That's the way to a successful life.

So if we have talked our way, thought our way, or followed our way into something that is not working for us but has become our comfort zone, maybe it's time to consider re-examining what we are doing.  The best way I know is for us to dialogue with one another and compare notes.

Below is an example of someone I consider to be a "magical sister".  She believes in catering to her man, but she is more balanced that Shahrazad Ali because what she does is not to her detriment.

Notice that she never says women can't do the things they want to do, or that they shouldn't, or that they should be a doormat.  Notice also where she gets her info from...from observation of real life and what works.  Notice that she says if your man is acting out all wrong that this video's advice is not for you, and so on.

See what you think, and let me know.

Welcome to Ta Ankh's World

I love to write.  Always have.  And it occurs to me that since I am extremely long-winded, that I need a place to express my ideas that are deeper that can be gotten into on my home away from home, Facebook.  So here it is. 

Welcome to Ta Ankh's World.

About me

As of this writing I am a 52 year old African American woman.  If I have a religious affiliation, it would have to be Afrikan spirituality.  The closest description I can come up with is Ausar Auset.  That's who I learned almost everything from.  The rest is my own perception and experience of life.

For more than three decades, I worked in the family business.  Now I have a knit/crochet/sewing business of my own.  I've been developing that for more than 6 years, and have been doing it full time for about 3.  And hell yeah, it's a struggle.  A struggle I wouldn't trade for the world.  Every day I thank God for the opportunity.

I love Facebook because it allows me to vibe with more than just the people that I am physically connected with.  I can have intimate conversations (not necessarily sexual), but there is a little detachment, and I like that.  I can also work at my business all hours, and take a break and socialize for awhile, and never change out of my pajamas if I don't want to.  That's living lol!

I'm somewhat of an intellectual (meaning that I like that stuff, not that I'm super smart), but it can't be too dry.  I'm somewhat of a spiritual person, but not above enjoying some ratchet tv.  I'm somewhat of a creative person, but in another life I could almost have been a computer geek.  I'm a nerd who loves zombies, but a goddess that love music too, and I used to read more than live.  I'm moody and can be very stand-offish, but if you catch me on the right day I could easily talk you to death.  I'm all kinds of contradictions, and too much of a rebel to fit neatly in anybody's box.

But enough about me.  Let's talk.